Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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