I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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