but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
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no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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