I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
