please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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