Apparently you make a good broom.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
