i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
