just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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