so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
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Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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