Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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