her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
