Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership