i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
