i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
