If i come over, it means nothing
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
