How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
