i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
