Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
