Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
