Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
we're so committed to being not committed
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
