You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
