im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
