I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
