Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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