There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My vagina is officially offended.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
