Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
