dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
