a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
