After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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