he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
