This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
