I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
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there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
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he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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