There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
