the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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