WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
