Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
