yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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