he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
