Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
