do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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