They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
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With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
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The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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