My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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