If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just googled if crying burns calories
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
