We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
