I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
