Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
