Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
