hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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