We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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