Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
