my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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