Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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