When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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