thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
