remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
