If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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