Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
