So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
