I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
