It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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