I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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