You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
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When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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