the condom got lost in my hair
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
it hurts more in the daytime
now i know why i became what i already was.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
