therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
