Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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