Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
