I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
