Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
