at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
