If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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