I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
