Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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