I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Small penises have feelings too.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
